My Story For His Glory...

Recently, I shared this portion of my testimony at the end of another blog for another purpose, but I keep thinking about it, and I wanted to bring it out by itself.

I talk about the overdose and weight loss so much, but this portion of my story gets skipped over sometimes. So, when I was led to write it out for a class assignment, it brought my heart into such a sweet place of worship. Recalling what God has done to bring me up out of the pit and into the spacious place of His love is wonderful. Even more, though, the task was to draw out the points of the gospel of Jesus Christ through my personal story, and that took it to another level.

This story is not just about or for me. BUT I have the privilege of standing as a witness to God's love for humanity, so that others might see and know that He has always been good! So, here it is! Lord, be glorified...

In His Image 

There were a series of moments during a particular day in which I had an overwhelming understanding that I had been made in the image of God and for His purpose. It was not that I did a deep study of the book of Genesis, and it all became clear. That would come later, but the first moment that forever changed my trajectory happened on the side of an interstate. Less than a year prior, I had overdosed and nearly died. My physical life was miraculous indeed. However, the gradual miracles of a changing soul began when my marriage fell apart. This transformation started on that shoulder on a cold but sunny January Sunday morning as an old Clay Crosse song played in the background. I had been consumed by the Holy Spirit and had to pull over. In just a few minutes and many tears, He taught my heart that I was made to know, love, and serve Him while loving and serving others as unto Him. I completely understood that just like Adam and Eve (Gen 1:26-27; 2:20-23), I was made with fear and wonder for union with Him and His purpose, no matter what happened in my body, marriage, or world surrounding me. I had not chosen Him. I had been chosen by Him. Yet, I did not feel forced but compelled to trust and obey Him, letting Him radiate through me. I went to Church for the first time in a long while that morning. I left knowing that I was being made new and there was work to be done. 

Sin and Separation 

Later that morning, however, I would be tested on what God had revealed to me. I had been living as an alcoholic for many years. My sinful nature had been the rudder for my every move. Thus, when I left the Church, I did what was natural to me: I went to a bar. My promises of behavioral modification made earlier that morning would not save my soul. They had not even changed my behavior. There, in my alcohol-induced numbness, I knew I needed help. The feeling that had once been my comfort was no longer. There would have to be something, or someone, greater than the death and condemnation that seemed to control my every move (John 3:18b). I had seen the goodness of God, and I wanted to live in it, but I did not know how. I had experienced His supernatural power. I believed what He showed me at that moment on the side of the interstate, but I could not see that the gap of sin and separation from Him -- brought on by the fall of humankind in the Garden of Eden (Gen 3:1-7; 22-24) -- was far too wide for me to cover on my own. 

Perfect Sacrifice 

A few hours into my uncomfortable buzz, I got a phone call from my teenage son. He was working on getting his driver's license, needed to go to the store, and wanted to drive. So, I left my bar stool, fully committed to returning to it when this was all over, and irresponsibly drove home to let him take the wheel. Once we got to the store, he turned off the car and ran in while I waited there. However, when he returned and went to turn the key, the engine hesitated. The more he tried, the less it responded, and it became apparent that we were going nowhere. As I sat there trying to figure out what we would do next, something else became glaringly clear: God had stood in between me and myself. What I could not articulate in that moment, but knew by the power of the Holy Spirit, was that God already had a plan to do what I could not through His Son Jesus Christ (Is 9:6; Matt 1:18-25; Luke 1:26-38; Luke 2:6-14; John 1:1). Long ago, He came to earth as a man, offering His own life as a perfect sacrifice by His death on the cross for me. He carried all my sins on His shoulders, giving me the opportunity to choose Him and be free from condemnation and eternal death (John 3:16-17; Rom 6:23). He did that then, and He had done it again there in that parking lot. He did not have to prove a thing to me, but in His faithfulness, God bridged the gap through Jesus.  

Resurrected Life 

By the time we got a tow truck, the sun that had risen around me on the side of the road that morning had set. Yet, even though the night had come, a feeling of light and freedom surrounded me. Again, it was not a feeling of force but of love and resolution. I was weary of my sinful life and felt such a great sense of relief. In retrospect, I can see that it was the Spirit of Jesus resting on me, teaching me what I now know how to say: Jesus' life, death, burial, resurrection, and ascension to Heaven were all part of the completion of God's plan to satisfy His wrath against my sin. In an elementary way, I knew then that He was offering me victory over my sin and its subsequent death and damnation (Rom 6:8-11; 1 Cor 15:54-58; Heb 10:10). He rose so that I could rise. 

Repentance and Faith 

The next morning, I woke up with that same beautiful sun rising around me again. The circumstances had not changed. I had a hangover, a dead battery in my car, a marriage still in shambles, and two great kids that I needed to be present for. The work ahead of me was intense. I recognized the wretchedness in my heart. However, I knew that I had to change and could do so through Jesus. I knew and believed that He would be the only way that I could be made new. By His power, I could repent. Therefore, that day I began to call on Him as the Lord of my life (John 10:9; Rom 10:9), and one step at a time, I learned – and am still learning – to willingly receive instruction and direction from the Holy Spirit (John 14:26; John 16:13; Rom 8:14). I have come to understand that sanctification is a lifelong process, in which I am being made pure and holy in order to serve Him on earth and later stand before Him, a pure and holy God (Lev 11:44-45; Rom 6:1-23; Gal 2:20; 1 Thes 5:23; 2 Tim 2:21; 1 Pet 1:15-16). In the meantime, the fruit of His faithfulness shines through a life forever changed.